Mishaps at Work
by kelpie169
Summary: Hermione's first week at work doesn't go quite the way she expected. But maybe Severus can turn it around her for...


**This was written for Hermione's Haven Bunny Bounce. Hermione's Haven is a fanfic group over on Facebook and they do awesome events all year. So you should go check them out. :) Anyhoo, yeah...so...this was written off a prompt that was given to me and I did my damnedest to make it interesting and funny. All the beta props go to I was BOTWP cause she rocks my nonexistent socks! Seriously, you'd be reading gibberish if it wasn't for her!  
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize and I make no money.**

 **x . x . x . x . x**

 **Sunday Night**

"I'm nervous. I mean, it's my first day tomorrow and what if something goes wrong? What if the Floo backs up and I'm late? What if my alarm doesn't go off?! What if-"

Severus gently stepped in front of Hermione and grasped her shoulders, pausing her increasingly hysterical rant. "Cease your needless prattling and tell me what exactly you are afraid of, dearest."

Her eyes softened as she gazed up at him, leaning into the fingers trailing gently down her cheek. She sighed deeply and squeezed her eyes shut briefly. "Just...what if-what if they don't like me?"

The former Potions professor chuckled lowly and slowly led his tiny wife to their bed and kneeled before her. "There isn't a person alive today who isn't enamored with the Great and Powerful Hermione Granger."

"You weren't, you great oaf." She pouted adorably, her arms crossing over her chest. Severus rested his chin on her knees and gazed up at her adoringly.

"True, once upon a time. But times have changed. And I have changed-all thanks to you, love." She tried to fight the smile overtaking her face; he grinned when she lost the battle. "And now, get into bed and we'll have an early night of it, so you'll be well and truly rested for your big day tomorrow."

"Oh, all right, you big softy."

Hermione shrieked and giggled as her husband's large hands descended on her, tickling her sides mercilessly in retaliation for her teasing.

x . x . x . x . x

 **Monday**

Hermione snarled as a ray of light cut through the curtains, her eyes squinting as she groped for her wand on the bedside table. She cast a quick tempus charm and blinked rapidly in disbelief at the flashing numbers in front of her.

"Oh shite!"

Severus jerked awake as the duvet flew off his shoulders and his wife yanked herself unceremoniously from his grasp. "Wha…?

"I'm late!"

The young woman sprinted around the room, rather like a tasmanian devil. She darted into the bathroom and flipped her head over, spritzing her hair with some miraculous Muggle invention her mother had sent her called dry shampoo. Then she let out a rather colorful curse as she ran back to the bed for her wand, which she haphazardly waved over her nude body for a quick _Scourgify_. Severus wrinkled his nose at the rather harsh pink color of her usually porcelain skin from the shoddy spellwork, but he wisely kept his mouth shut as she descended on the sink and began scrubbing her teeth with a manic energy he'd rarely seen from her.

She made her way back into their bedroom, toothpaste foam still clinging to her chin, hopping on one foot as she pulled on clean knickers and scolding her husband as he smirked at the rather lovely view. She flung the doors to the wardrobe open and stared at the vast contents-and slumped over in apparent defeat.

"Oh, Merlin! I have no idea what to wear!"

Severus rolled his eyes and stood reluctantly, uncaring of his nudity and preening as his wife eyed his body in appreciation.

"The problem is that you have too much variety." He glanced at the array of clothing with a practiced eye, quickly selecting a grey knee length pencil skirt and navy blouse. "It's much easier to pick an outfit when you have one style and one color of everything."

She rolled her eyes, though the corners of her mouth pulled up in amusement as she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, love. I'll be gone when you're done showering. Stop by if you like. I love you!"

"I love you, as well."

Severus strode into their en suite to ready himself for the day as Hermione bent to select a bra and finish dressing.

x . x . x . x . x

"Good morning, Ms. Granger!"

"Morning, Ms. Granger!"

Hermione nodded at each person's greetings as she strode down the brightly lit hallway toward her brand new office.

"Quite the fashion statement there, Granger!"

She raised an eyebrow at Justin Finch-Fletchly as he sauntered past her on his way to his own office and quickly raked her gaze over her own outfit. Compared to his own staid black suit, she supposed her grey skirt and navy blouse could be considered daring, but she simply shrugged and continued on her way. There was no use trying to figure out the inner workings of the former Hufflepuff's mind.

She found her door and grinned widely at the sparkling nameplate - 'Hermione Granger'. With a heavy sigh, she pushed the heavy wood inward and strode toward the start of her newest endeavor.

Hours later her heels clicked on the shiny tile of the atrium as she made her way across toward another department, her arms full of files and her head bent toward the stack of papers as her eyes swept over various figures and runes.

Whispers had followed her all day and she couldn't for the life of her figure out why. She knew there was a stigma surrounding her as part of the Golden Trio, but the War had been six years ago. Hermione had thought she'd be safe from idle gossip by now.

"Hermione! How's your first day going?"

Startled into an abrupt halt, the young woman nearly dropped her files, though a wide smile spread across her features as she came face to face with the elder generation of Malfoys.

"Lucius! Narcissa! What are you both doing here?" She leaned forward to give the older woman a hug as her husband glanced down, his eyebrow raising as his lips pulled up into his signature smirk.

"We came to see how your first day was going. And may I ask, what in Merlin's name are you trying to accomplish with your choice in footwear?"

Hermione could have sworn she heard a chuckle in Lucius's voice, though it was nearly covered by the outright giggle that Narcissa let escape. She held her breath as she glanced down at her feet...to see one obviously lighter navy pump and one deep black pump. They weren't even the same design of shoe! How on earth had she managed that?

"Oh, Merlin! So that's why everyone has been staring and whispering!" Her head dropped forward and she felt her cheeks reddening. "I'm never going to be able to show my face here again! I may as well turn in my resignation right now!"

"Oh, nonsense!" Lucius harrumphed and rolled his eyes at Hermione's dramatics. He pulled his wand from the top of his cane and pointed it at her feet. "All it takes is a simple spell and-"

"You'll do NO such thing, Lucius Abraxas Malfoy!" Narcissa's voice had reached a decibel that Hermione was fairly certain only dogs and Thestrels could hear.

Lucius carefully sheathed his wand and backed away from his wife, his hands raised in the air. The people milling around the atrium had all paused and were staring, though Hermione was grateful to feel the hum of her husband's signature _Muffliato_ spell shimmering around them.

"These are _designer_ shoes! You can't just throw spells at them! They would _never_ recover." Narcissa turned back to Hermione and cast an appraising eye on her. "Honestly, men. Regardless, the blue pump matches your blouse and the black is a play on the grey of your skirt. Act as you have been and it will look intentional. No harm, no foul. Be your usual, confident self, darling and no one will be able to bring you down."

Hermione smiled at the older woman and hugged her once more. "Thank you, Narcissa. Well, I best be off. These files won't deliver themselves-" She paused and thought for a moment. "Well, I guess they could, but I do fancy a walk now and again. I was feeling rather cramped in that office."

Lucius smirked as he approached the ladies once again. "Then may I have the honor of escorting two fine creatures, such as yourselves?"

x . x . x . x . x

 **Tuesday**

"So, how did it go?"

Hermione glared at Severus as she stepped out of the fireplace and stalked past him.

He placed his book down on the end table and stood, following the line of clothing in her wake. He bent to pick up the light pink button up shirt she had thrown off, and then the blush pink camisole she'd apparently ripped over her head and in turn, actually ripped up one of the seams. He paused to pluck the light pink lacy bra from one of the hallway sconces and then bent again to grab her black trousers from the hallway rug. Finally the scrap of black lace that passed for underwear was dangling from the doorknob to their bedroom. He grabbed it and stepped through the doorway, disappointed to already hear the water running in the shower.

"Hermione?"

"Ob-viously…" Severus rolled his eyes as she mocked him, "I'm in the shower. Would you care to know _why_ I'm in the shower mere minutes, if that, after I stepped through the Floo?"

He merely raised an eyebrow as he leaned against the door frame, his eyes drawn to the blurry silhouette of his wife behind the frosted glass of their enclosed shower.

She continued, despite his silence, the annoyance in her voice clear. "I'm showering mere moments after entering our humble abode because I was vomited on by not one, but two die hard Hermione Granger fans today. And _Scourgify_ apparently does not work on the smell of vomit."

Silence reigned for a moment. Then the unmistakeable and highly unusual sound of Severus Snape's laughter echoed through the room, followed closely by a high pitched, irritated shriek of frustration.

x . x . x . x . x

 **Wednesday**

Harry popped his head into Hermione's office at lunch and raised an eyebrow. "You wouldn't happen to know why half the women in the building are wearing two completely different shoes, would you?"

The brunette groaned and dropped her head onto her desk as her best friend laughed heartily. "Who told you?!"

"Lucius stopped by to give me an invitation to Narcissa's latest gala for….something...I can't remember... next month. He may have related an amusing story or two." Harry smirked. "Come on. Get out of your office and have lunch with me."

Hermione glanced at her watch and rolled her eyes as her stomach grumbled, as if on cue.

"See, even your internal organs agree with me. Up you go. Come on, old girl."

He darted out of her office and down the corridor, laughing merrily as he heard her heels clicking behind him. He knew that would spark her temper.

"Old girl?! Harry James Potter, if I didn't love you so much I'd be hexing your bollocks off right now!" She brandished her wand, sending a stinging hex that landed squarely on his left arsecheek and left her giggling as she chased him through the halls of the Ministry.

x . x . x . x . x

"Care to explain this?"

Severus smirked as he tossed the paper across the counter. Hermione glanced at the paper quickly and promptly choked on the pumpkin juice she'd been drinking.

"What in the name of Merlin is _THAT_?!"

He chuckled as she pulled the paper to her and began pacing the length of their kitchen, muttering under her breath.

"Harry Potter and Hermione Granger….love triangle….affair….Severus….right in the halls of the Ministry…. _RITA FUCKING SKEETER_...cold day in hell...that beetle…."

Severus decided to intervene when the pages of the paper began to smoulder in her hands. He stepped forward, plucked the newspaper from her fingers and enfolded her in his arms.

"It doesn't mean anything. You know that right?" She clung tightly to the front of his robes and turned her face towards his, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I love you. Only you, Severus."

"And I love you, dearest. And I know you and Potter share some ridiculous bond that we mere mortals could never comprehend. Don't trouble yourself over what some plebeian beetle has to say about it. I know there will never be anything between the two of you. I know how you feel about him. And about me."

x . x . x . x . x

 **Thursday**

"Shite." Hermione shifted through her wardrobe once again. There absolutely were no clean undergarments left except for some racy Wonder Woman themed ones Severus had gotten her as a joke.

She'd once confided that she'd had something of a fascination with the comic book hero as a child, when she'd been friendless and alone. So now her Wonder Woman figurines stood next to her own. It was slightly creepy, though it amused Severus greatly.

Nevertheless, she figured she could make due for one day and do laundry that night. Slipping into the scrap of fabric, she giggled lightly at the idea of her childhood heroine wearing such racy lingerie.

Pushing the thought to the back of her mind, she continued dressing and went to find Severus for her goodbye kiss.

x . x . x . x . x

The first time it happened was around nine o'clock. Her mind had drifted as she sorted through some files down the hall from her office in the main storage room, in full view of her entire department.

She'd been reliving the steamy bath she and Severus had indulged in the night before, when it had suddenly gotten rather drafty and a startled yelp broke into her musings.

"Miss Granger!"

She glanced around to see a rather pale man staring at her with wide, frightened eyes.

"Hmm?"

Then she felt the eyes of everyone else settling on her, like something out of one of her nightmares. The drafts grew colder and she glanced down at herself-to see nothing but her matching Wonder Woman undergarments.

"Merlin's pants!"

The moment her mind snapped back into focus, her clothes manifested themselves again, much to her delight, though mortification was still burning hotly through her veins.

The second time it happened was in the Ministry cafe. Her mind had once again wandered, this time to a possible vacation for her husband and herself. Listening to Percy Weasley drone on and on about cauldron bottoms...or something. Her mind was on the beach and the waves, and getting a suntan without tan lines...and Severus rubbing her down with lotion...and things that could lead to…

"Hermione!" Percy's voice broke through her lovely daydream simply because it had hit an octave she was sure it hadn't seen since before puberty.

"Yes, Percy? Whatever is the matter?"

Then she felt the draft and consequently felt all the blood rush to her face. "Oh shite! Not again!"

"Again?!" Thankfully, he was enough of a gentleman to have already shrugged out of his robes and thrown them over her, since her clothes hadn't reappeared even after her daydream had been ever so rudely interrupted.

"This happened this morning! I have no idea what is going on!"

The redhead eyed her warily, his eyes widening as she felt the odd sensation of clothes slipping back into existence on her body.

Hermione gratefully handed the robes back to him, though Percy looked almost reluctant to take them. "Thank you, Percy. I think I might need to head home for the day though."

x . x . x . x . x

"Severus!"

A soft explosion sounded from the potions lab in their basement and Hermione gasped in fright. "Severus!"

A hacking cough preceded her husband up the stairs as he waved away the smoke in the air, his eyes squinting in annoyance. "Gods, woman! Have you not listened to anything I've said over the years?! Never startle me while I'm brewing!"

"I'm sorry! I forgot you were brewing and I forgot what time it was!"

For the first time, Severus took in his wife's distressed appearance and took note of the early hour. "Hermione, why are you home? What happened?" He crossed the room swiftly and pulled her into his arms, his hands running over her gently as if to assure himself that she was whole and unharmed.

"I don't know! I don't know what's happening! Twice today my clothes have just vanished! The first time was in front of my entire department and the second time was in front of Percy, who thankfully reacted fast enough and covered me with his robes. But everyone saw me in these ridiculously skimpy Wonder Woman underwear and-"

"Wait. Wonder Woman underwear?"

Hermione glanced up at Severus. She narrowed her eyes as he bit his lip, a move he'd picked up from her.

"Yes. The Wonder Woman underwear you gave me. They were the only clean undergarments I had this morning. What's wrong with them?"

Severus weighed his desire to be truthful with his wife with his desire to keep his bollocks. Deciding he'd like to do both, he released his hold on her and backed away slowly.

"Severus Snape, tell me what is wrong with these undergarments right now or so help me I will curse you until your bollocks turn green!"

"As tempting an offer as that is, I'd prefer to be a respectable distance away when I divulge that information." He continued to back away until he was nearly to his potions lab once again. "When I bought you those, it was as a joke, remember?"

Hermione nodded.

"It was to possibly spice up our love life a bit, not that we really needed it then or even now. However, those particular garments are meant to be used in the bedroom as a sort of enticement. When one partner, the female, is thinking sexy thoughts about the other, their clothing will disappear and leave them in said undergarments. Thus, this will entice the male. I never had any intention of letting you leave the house in them. And now I'm going back to brewing."

With a swift turn and a quick swish of his wand, his door was locked and warded against his wife who he could hear raging on the other side of the door.

Damn. This one would definitely take some groveling.

x . x . x . x . x

 **Friday**

"Are you going to meet me for lunch?"

Hermione glanced at her husband as he lounged in bed while she gathered the last of her things as she prepared for the last day of her work week.

"I will be there for lunch. I could potentially be there even earlier. I have things I need to discuss with some people around the Ministry. We shall see."

She smiled as she leaned in to kiss him and he caressed her hip. She'd never tired of his touch, though truthfully she was still rather annoyed with him over the Wonder Woman incident, as she was calling it.

"Alright well, I'll see you whenever I see you. I love you."

"And I love you!"

Severus smirked, his eyes following her ass as it swayed out the door. Then he sprung lithely from the bed and made his way to his wardrobe. He sighed heavily as he contemplated exactly what he intended to do, but if it made the hellish week Hermione had suffered any brighter….

x . x . x . x . x

She'd only been there an hour when Harry burst through the door to her office. He leaned over, hands on his knees as he panted, his glasses askew and his tie nearly strangling him as he tried to wheeze out a sentence.

"Harry calm down and catch your breath before you try to talk."

He shook his already messy hair and tugged her to her feet, swiftly circling her to check for any wardrobe malfunctions and earning himself a swift punch to the biceps.

"You-have-to-see-this!" He gasped out as he dragged her to the hallway overlooking the atrium.

Amongst the various Ministry employees and visitors in their various browns, blacks and blues going about their days was somebody enrobed in a lurid pink frock coat the signature color of-

"UMBRIDGE!"

Without stopping to think, or listen to Harry as he wheezed behind her, Hermione took off at a run, kicking off her heels for expediency.

She shoved through the crowd and finally made it to the person dressed like bubblegum, unnoticing that they were entirely too tall to be the toad faced menace.

"Oi!"

She was prepared for a lot of things as she brandished her wand, readying herself for a fight, possibly to the death. However, she wasn't prepared for-her husband. He turned, carefully flicking his impossibly soft hair out of his eyes as he casually glanced at her as if it was an everyday occurance for him to flounce around the Ministry in ridiculously pink robes.

"Ah, hello Dearest. I thought we were meeting in your office for lunch." He extended a hand to her and she stared at it dumbly, her brain frozen as she contemplated whether she'd possibly had a stroke.

Harry chose that moment to rush up, weaving between the throng of bystanders, panting and huffing out random words as if Hermione hadn't already figured out the pink-robed figure wasn't their most hated Professor ever.

Hermione shot him a withering glare, and the Boy-Who-Lived snapped his mouth shut and flopped on the ground, his chest rising and falling as he mumbled about taking up an exercise routine that Hermione doubted would ever see fruition.

"Why on earth are you strutting around in these ghastly pink... _things_ … like something out of one of my nightmares? I mean, did you _actually_ raid Umbridge's closet? She's in Azkaban so it's not like she needs them anymore."

Severus's chuckle was low and meant for her ears alone as he pulled her closer. "I realized what a horrible week you've had and after yesterday, which admittedly was a bit my fault, I wanted to try to make it up to you. I wanted to make you smile. And, if I must debase myself to do it, so be it. Because I love you that much."

"I love you too, Severus." Hermione stepped into the circle of his arms and stood on her toes to press her lips against his.

The kiss seemed to last forever, though it was only a few moments. His long fingers played gently with the stray hair around her face, brushing it back behind her ear as they broke apart.

"Finally! Are you finished? I swear, Narcissa is about to bust a gusset over here! She's claiming this is an affront to fashion everywhere, and is begging me to change your robes back to black!"

Severus burst into laughter, a sound which admittedly had most of the onlookers cringing away in fright, while Hermione giggled at Lucius's words. Narcissa simply pouted as Harry tried to stand without collapsing to the ground again.

"Just for that, I think I'll leave my robes like this. And I might even break them out for all your special occasions Cissa! Just think of it! I'll be the belle of the ball!"

Hermione giggled again as Narcissa grumbled under her breath as the quintet made their way back to Hermione's office to pass the time until they could all go to lunch, thanking her lucky stars that even if her first week hadn't been what she'd thought it would be, it turned out to be good in its own way.


End file.
